Tag Archives: anton lavey

The 4 Conspiracy Posts I Resolutioned Myself Out of Writing

 

I was trying to write another Conspiracy post but I’m sick of it. Conspiracy is tiring. I got other shit to do. I like these pictures though and I’ll give you at least a snapshot of the conspiracy bullshit that may or definitely isn’t true.

The Beast Conspiracy

BeastYellO

The Antichrist is coming and blah blah blah shit and shit. Anyway, the Mark of the Beast is in your cellphone and the Antichrist is an alien.

The Bitch Conspiracy

Tongue

Just watch this lame ass video trying to make recent domestic terrorist attacks by young white kids on antidepressants into an issue of  boys not being able to express their feelings. Oh and crying happens too. Weird.

The Blank Conspiracy

Ears

Your mind is shooting blanks because everything is making you stupid. Fluoride, GMOs, and especially the television. We are all bewitched by brain-eating medicines. We are all under the hypnosis of the moving pictures. Earth is just a petri-dish of dumb souls waiting to be harvested. There was more but I’m drawing a blank.

The Bogus Conspiracy

Eye

Last and probably least, Conspiracy culture is so full of shit. I’ve been running myself mad watching and re-watching contradictory conspiracy theories in YouTube videos. There’s a lot of crazy shit out there and crazy is exactly what you become when you spend all your time learning about how celebrities eat poo as a part of Satan worship, or about how Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan, castrated his son for not following in his footsteps and is still alive today. Magicians are really just summoning demon spirits to do their tricks for them. Eminem has been dead for a while and is replaced by a robo-humanoid clone.

Miley’s under mind control, Obama is the Antichrist and aliens are really fallen angels working for the devil.

I need a break from this conspiracy shit. This isn’t really a resolution as much as it is a way for me to do, as half-assed as possible, the last four conspiracy blogs I had already planned.

I intentionally didn’t use any links for the conspiracy theories above. They’re a never-ending rabbit hole that’ll make you feel like you’re falling even though you aren’t going anywhere.

Good luck and happy fucking New Year motherfuckers. 2015 doesn’t hate you yet and everything might just turn out alright. Of course, when it doesn’t and you’re stuck in a bunker starving with your family all without food, just remember that eating people is an asshole thing to do.

Also, if you’ve read this than why the fuck haven’t you read March the Damned yet?

Sin seriously,

Jeremiah Israel