Tag Archives: miley cyrus

The 4 Conspiracy Posts I Resolutioned Myself Out of Writing

 

I was trying to write another Conspiracy post but I’m sick of it. Conspiracy is tiring. I got other shit to do. I like these pictures though and I’ll give you at least a snapshot of the conspiracy bullshit that may or definitely isn’t true.

The Beast Conspiracy

BeastYellO

The Antichrist is coming and blah blah blah shit and shit. Anyway, the Mark of the Beast is in your cellphone and the Antichrist is an alien.

The Bitch Conspiracy

Tongue

Just watch this lame ass video trying to make recent domestic terrorist attacks by young white kids on antidepressants into an issue of  boys not being able to express their feelings. Oh and crying happens too. Weird.

The Blank Conspiracy

Ears

Your mind is shooting blanks because everything is making you stupid. Fluoride, GMOs, and especially the television. We are all bewitched by brain-eating medicines. We are all under the hypnosis of the moving pictures. Earth is just a petri-dish of dumb souls waiting to be harvested. There was more but I’m drawing a blank.

The Bogus Conspiracy

Eye

Last and probably least, Conspiracy culture is so full of shit. I’ve been running myself mad watching and re-watching contradictory conspiracy theories in YouTube videos. There’s a lot of crazy shit out there and crazy is exactly what you become when you spend all your time learning about how celebrities eat poo as a part of Satan worship, or about how Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan, castrated his son for not following in his footsteps and is still alive today. Magicians are really just summoning demon spirits to do their tricks for them. Eminem has been dead for a while and is replaced by a robo-humanoid clone.

Miley’s under mind control, Obama is the Antichrist and aliens are really fallen angels working for the devil.

I need a break from this conspiracy shit. This isn’t really a resolution as much as it is a way for me to do, as half-assed as possible, the last four conspiracy blogs I had already planned.

I intentionally didn’t use any links for the conspiracy theories above. They’re a never-ending rabbit hole that’ll make you feel like you’re falling even though you aren’t going anywhere.

Good luck and happy fucking New Year motherfuckers. 2015 doesn’t hate you yet and everything might just turn out alright. Of course, when it doesn’t and you’re stuck in a bunker starving with your family all without food, just remember that eating people is an asshole thing to do.

Also, if you’ve read this than why the fuck haven’t you read March the Damned yet?

Sin seriously,

Jeremiah Israel

The Booty Conspiracy

Booty Teeth

That’s right. All of this twerking bullshit is not as innocent as Miley Cyrus and pop music would have you believe. Our psyches are being subjected to a controlled invasion that aims to normalize the practice of Satanic Sex Magick in popular culture. Don’t believe me? That’s fine. I have trouble believing myself.

This is what I’m talking about: BOOTY

Did you click the BOOTY? Well you shouldn’t because that video wants you to unwittingly practice Satanic worship. And that’s just one of many. The Booty Conspiracy is only gaining momentum.

Booty has been a staple of pop music since as long as I can remember. Sir Mixalot’s “I Like Big Butts” introduced me to the concept of the ass mountain at the impressionable age of six. I remember being so confused, wondering why a guy would like butts so much. For the next twenty some years, the fixation of pop music with booty was consistent enough to become commonplace. Little did we know, there was a time bomb ticking and it was all thanks to this ASSHOLE.

That’s right. If you didn’t click the ASSHOLE I’m proud of you. It would have only added one more view to an abomination that fuels this conspiracy.

Billy Ray Cyrus has one song that an awful lot of people like for a while but then soon wise up and realize it makes them want to commit murder. On themselves. And so he has kids and uses his connections to inject them into the evil mind control machine better known as Disney.

Back to Miley Cyrus. What better way to introduce children to the TWERK than to have their Disney Channel role model smear it in their faces?

So Miley flaunts her new found adulthood while Robin Thicke is fucked up on VICODIN, singing a song about his DICK that Pharrell wrote for him. If you didn’t know, D stands for dick.

There are two things they want you to know: Miley Cyrus shakes her ass and Robin Thicke is a dickhead. That’s when we have the 2013 VMA performance where they simulate the obvious conclusion to those two concepts while awkwardly mismatched on stage.

Their VMA performance is the Satanic mega ritual that imprinted a dormant curse on the collective consciousness of American culture. With their simulation of sex, Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke became the torchbearers of the conspiracy that is right now attempting to turn you into a vehicle for Satan’s master plan.

So there’s THIS GUY and you could listen to him talk but it gets weird. His video entitled “Satan Loves Anal Sex” basically says that anal sex creates a gateway for demons to enter and possess human beings. This is a practice used by Aleister Crowley, the renowned Satanist that came up with the “Do what thou wilt” philosophy that Jay Z wears on his hoody. He was known in the press at his time as the “Wickedest Man In History”. He saw himself as the “Great Beast 666”.

Obvious, right? So the religion of Satanism is practiced by creating a gateway for demons to enter people via sodomy.

So it would only make sense then to have the cast of Glee twerking. This is now so normal we have videos like Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” and Jennifer Lopez’s “Booty”. Even the seemingly innocent Taylor Swift crawls under the legs of ass shaking dancers in her video for “Shake It Off”. That goddamn “All About the Bass” song is even more guilty of consort with this conspiracy when Meghan Trainor says, “But I can shake it, shake it, like I’m supposed to do.”

This SHIT is now supposed to empower women with low self esteem. All this song does is reinforce the fucked up concept that women need to be sexually deviant in order to do what they are “supposed to do.”

The message is clear: Use your booty because you’re supposed to.

In conclusion, Satan wants you to practice sodomy so he can make a demon gateway into your body to take your soul. The real purpose behind these pop songs is to lube you up for demonic soul rape.

Beware!

You are being conditioned and programmed into undergoing an induction into Satan’s alliance of asshole demon portals. Blind and deafen your children. It’s the only way to keep them safe from the evils of The Booty Conspiracy.

Sin-seriously,

Jeremiah

… …

But then again, maybe it’s not a conspiracy. Maybe this is all just a coincidence. Maybe THIS SHIT is actually good advice to be giving teen’s about ways to avoid getting pregnant. I don’t know. Actually, I don’t even really care. People are gonna do what they want and THIS SHIT  has nothing to do with me anyway.